Thinking deep thoughts

So, in typical fashion, I've been quiet and not blogging. Going back to work has been a blast and I am very happy I made the step. Dan has settled into preschool, the boys are largely oblivious to my working, everyone's happy.

 I had my aspirin desensatisation at the beginning of June, which seems to be going well, so far. I go back this week for a check up. I have regained some sense of smell, some of the time, which is a good result and I am hopeful of it sticking around.

 So, the deep thoughts....a little while ago, I read reports of a parliamentary enquiry into body image. There were some people and companies I had heard of giving evidence and as a woman who struggles with my weight and all the body image and self esteem stuff that goes along with it, I found it really interesting. Following some of the newspaper links led me to a website called F*ck the Diets. I signed up for her weekly emails, which increasingly feel like they might be coming straight from my unconscious. This weeks squirmy, wiggly thought - why haven't I liked the FtD FB page? My straight off the bat answer would be that I am a 'churchy' type, I even work in my church's office, with lots of churchy friends and am afraid of people being offended by seeing the title in my newsfeed. That is *partly* true, but I think also it's true that a bit of me feels that the 300-odd people on my FB will see it, snort and say to themselves "think you already did, love, seen the size of your bum recently?".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not considering a mindset that says I'm just going to carry on eating with the aim of looking like Jabba the Hutt (and hush to that internal critic who's muttering that I already do). I'm just - well, I don't know what I'm "just". Being kinder to myself, accepting myself as I am and realising that traditional dieting is not dealing with the reason I am fat. Time to dust off the Susie Orbach, I think.